pivotal moment in my life essay

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Have You Ever Experienced a Pivotal Moment in Your Life?

From my podcast of the same name .

Today we’re talking about pivotal or defining moments in our lives.  Singular or plural.  Have you ever experienced one?  If so, was it painful or exhilarating?  How did it change you?

Maybe you’ve never labeled your aha moments as such—pivotal—but we all have moments where our vision has been irrevocably altered or something additional has been revealed to us.  These moments are life-changing, and can affect us positively or negatively.  And we’re not only talking major life events such as leaving home for college or your graduation or your wedding or the death of a loved one or your first baby or the purchase of your first house.  Add in there the smaller, more private things, such as conquering an addiction or going through a divorce or making a career change or overhearing a conversation that answered a question you’d been asking.

In 1964, Nelson Mandela, along with 8 others from the African National Congress, was tried and sentenced to life in prison for treason.  Mandela had led the charge against the government, protesting their use of force—their armies, police forces, and jails—against the African National Congress’s anti-apartheid movement.  The government fought back.

You might say Mandela’s speech in that courtroom on April 20th, 1964, was a pivotal moment for him.  He became a worldwide symbol for freedom and democracy, and despite the fact that he was imprisoned for 27 years, he emerged stronger than ever, serving as South Africa’s president from 1994-1999.

Many of us don’t get an opportunity to give a speech where we believe in something so strongly, we’re prepared to die for it.  Mandela did.  That day he said, “I have cherished the idea of a democratic and free society in which all persons will live together in harmony and with equal opportunity.  It is an ideal for which I hope to live for. But, my Lord, if it needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”

I would call that a pivotal moment.  Wouldn’t you?

Years ago, my therapist told me that everyone—whether or not he or she knows it—has gone through a seminal event in his or her life—one that usually occurs when he or she is a child, and one that determines major personality traits.  In the years since then, when given the opportunity, I’ve asked my friends and family what theirs is.  Some instantly launch into the retelling of theirs.  Others have more difficulty.

I knew mine right away.  I was twelve.  I had just gotten my first period, and was a little perturbed with the whole concept.  Then I was invited to visit my grandmother in California.  Just me.  It would be a special trip, where I’d get to fly on the plane alone, and spend some fun time with a person I thought was pretty darn cool.

Well, as you might have guessed, I got my second period while on my trip, complete with severe, curl-up-on-the-bed cramps and pounding headaches.  But my grandmother had other plans.  We were going to dinner with her sister and husband.  We were going to Knott’s Berry Farm.   There was no time for wallowing in pain.  I begged to stay in bed, just until the pain went away, and that’s when she leaned over and said, “Elissa, plenty of women have gone through this and survived.  I want you to get out of bed this minute.  We’re going, whether you want to or not!”

Now, that may seem insignificant to you, but my grandmother was so irritated that I had tried to thwart her plans, that when she flew home with me (to spend her week with my family as she did each summer), she told my mother that I was a selfish young girl and that I thought only of myself.  When my mother approached me with this information, sad that I could be this way, I felt betrayed, by my grandmother and by my body.

That whole thing about me being a bad person, a selfish person, became something I had to overcome.  I was going to be better from now on.  They’d see.  I was going to take care of myself, rely on no one else to help me through.  I would babysit to provide my own clothes, my own shoes.  I would pay for any incidentals I would need at school.  I wouldn’t need anyone else.

I was going to be perfect.

Although it’s frightening how I extrapolated all these promises to myself as a twelve-year-old, those character traits continued for years afterward.  I was self-sufficient, or so I thought.  I was going to show everyone, or so I thought.  That kind of thinking made me successful at so many things, but it hollowed me out inside, if you know what I mean.

So, on the one hand it got me to where I am today.  On the other hand, I’ve had to unlearn all those mantras I had going on in my head.

I’ve had other pivotal moments—positive ones.  After I’d been accepted to physical therapy school, after college, I overheard a friend talking about her adventures teaching fifth graders, and I instantly knew that I wasn’t cut out for the repetition in physical therapy.  I needed a career that changed every year, and certainly I would get this in teaching.

After reading Karen Maezen Miller’s Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood , I finally realized I didn’t have to be perfect to be a mother.  I could take one day at a time.  So, we submitted our adoption papers, and today we have a beautiful, curious, fun-loving 5 year-old daughter.

When my agent emailed me, “What about Eve?” I began writing the novel that would be my first book.

Likewise, Bart Ehrman’s books have flung me onto an entirely different path, one I could never have anticipated.  The rest is history, as they say.  And I continue to have these learning moments that are changing who I am, who I want to be, and how I relate to the world.

How about you?  What events in your life have made you, molded you, into who you are today?

[Post image: Sunburst by A-Hahn on stock.xchng ]

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Another great post. It’s got me thinking again about what the pivotal moments in my life have been. And it’s interesting to look back and see that the moments I choose as pivotal NOW are different than the moments I would have chosen 20 years ago. I love how we evolve and grow and change and how we’re made up of all these pivotal moments… positive and negative. Thanks for another great post.

Yes, I think hindsight is always 20/20, or closer to 20/20 than when we’re “in it.” 🙂

Kind of a sad story about your grandmother. However, it seemed to be an important step in your development (psychologically speaking). How long did it take for you to realize that this was so pivotal? Sometimes I feel as if I am going through something pivital, but after some time, it seems less impactful. Divorce seems to be a clear pivotal moment.

Good question. I think I realized it was pivotal then, of course, because I was making “drastic” decisions about not trusting anyone, not relying on anyone. It wasn’t until later, after I left home, that I realized I could have stood up to the accusations. And then later, after I’d been through lots of counseling, I realized that it had molded me into a perfectionist of sorts…and of course, that was good AND bad. Then I had to take myself to task, to rid myself of all the messages I had convinced myself of.

So, yes, I think moments have degrees of impact. I suppose you could point to the ones that you feel CHANGED you somehow. Divorce could make you a stronger, happier person OR it could make you lonely and bitter. Your choice. Either way, it’s a pivotal moment, in my humble opinion. 🙂

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Pivotal Moments: Recognizing and Embracing Life-Changing Turning Points

In  Webster’s Dictionary , the definition of pivotal includes “very important; critical.” A moment is described as “a precise point in time.” Pivotal moments are big moments and little moments of clarity that provide us with new perspectives and opportunities to change our lives. In turn, this transformation puts us in a position to help others change their lives. As you read, see if you can think of any pivotal or defining moments in your own life. Ask yourself if they were painful or exhilarating and think about how they changed you.

Several Moments Can Lead to a Pivotal One

Burn survivor Tony Gonzalez recalls several important moments that led to his “pivotal” one.

Tony had sustained burns to 95% of his body in a propane explosion. While being treated at Loyola Burn Center near Chicago, he was visited by Phoenix Society founder Alan Breslau and his wife, Delwyn. The couple were at the burn center to speak to the staff there.

Tony remembers that the Breslaus were very relaxed as they sat and chatted with him for almost an hour. They introduced him to the Phoenix Society, but more importantly, they introduced him to the possibility of a life after his devastating injury. That visit led to Tony’s decision to attend the 1999 Phoenix World Burn Congress —and to his primary pivotal moment.

Tony had been struggling his way through a very tough process—re-entering the community in a wheelchair, wearing a plastic facemask, and having virtually all of his exposed skin in some stage of scarring and healing. Despite his extreme nervousness, he headed to Phoenix WBC in Atlanta—alone. “I wanted to see what else was out there!” he recalls.

His big moment happened on the way to the conference hotel. Once the firefighters had picked him up at the airport, Tony found himself in a van full of other burn survivors.

Tony Gonzalez realized at his first Phoenix WBC "if they could do it, I could do it."

“Here I was ninety-plus percent burned, with fingers missing, and I shared the ride with five or six people who were missing limbs and had all kinds of prosthetics,” Tony says. He remembers chatting and getting to know them during the ride.

But once they arrived at the hotel, Tony immediately went to his room and didn’t venture out for quite a while. He knew he should head down to the conference, but without the protective and loving bubble of his family, he was feeling completely overwhelmed. After grounding himself, Tony decided to take a risk and finally go to dinner. While sitting with another survivor who had missing limbs, he realized that, as the evening progressed, his new friend’s prosthetics and injuries had “disappeared.”

“These people became my heroes,” says Tony about the survivors he met at that Phoenix WBC. “I realized that if they could do it, I could do it.”

His next pivotal moment occurred upon his return to the hospital—this time for a burn support group meeting. He arrived to find only three people in attendance and didn’t feel much of a connection to the group, but he decided to try again—this time taking his mother. His second experience was not any better. He felt there was a lot of complaining, and not a lot of support. But then he had the inspiration that led to his transformation.

“The pivotal moment for me was when I decided to stop just sitting there and listening, and start sharing!” Tony says. He recognized that all of the participants had a lot of problems, but he wanted to start talking about solutions.

Tony realized that if he wanted to get something out of the support experience, if the conversations were going to change, he was going to have to start contributing. This is the spirit he continues to bring to his current activities as a Phoenix SOAR® coordinator and peer supporter at Loyola Burn Center, and also as a community organizer, a fundraiser, and a leader in the burn community.

If you are a burn survivor who is still struggling, Tony wants you to remember who you were before your injury and then to find your “new normal." “Things will never be exactly like they used to be,” Tony says, “but things can be as good and different.”

An Important Moment Can Occur Organically

Jamie Nieto also attended the support group at Loyola Burn Center and he too reached a turning point there. He had been a patient at the hospital after sustaining burns to 55% of his body in a fire pit accident on the morning of his 20th birthday. Although he credits his mother and sister for being his “rocks” and saving his life, it was in those support group meetings that he became open to the potential of a life after burns.

That support group also led Jamie to travel to Baltimore, Maryland, in 2005 for his first Phoenix World Burn Congress. While there, he experienced a pivotal moment that was very subtle and occurred in what seemed like an unlikely place.

“I remember sitting around the bar talking and meeting everyone,” Jamie says about his second night at Phoenix WBC. “At that moment, there were no burn injuries or prosthetic legs among us; we were all just extremely connected and present with each other. All the scars fell away and we were just having fun. Looking back, I see I was more connected to the burn survivors doing a non-burn-recovery related activity.”

Jamie’s experience was not unusual. Many who are healing from a trauma find that important moments can come organically and in social environments.

“Don’t get me wrong, the support groups are great and the recovery programming is amazing and so healing,” says Jamie, “but the times I feel most connected to other burn survivors are when we are not talking about our burns, but just talking about life.”

After that first trip to Phoenix WBC, Jamie moved beyond thinking “Why me?” to “Why not me?” He has become extremely active in his hospital’s burn support group. He is a Phoenix SOAR peer supporter and, along with Tony, he raises money for burn recovery. Jamie attributes much of his success to support from Tony, as well as Barry Bennett, the social worker on the unit and the drive behind their support program.

“Surviving is the first victory,” says Jamie, and he believes it begins the day you live through your injury. “Instead of being victims,” he says, “we are victors.”

Jamie wants others on this journey to know that the healing never stops. Recovery is definitely not the easiest road to travel, he admits, but it is “doable.”

“I know it is an old cliché that what does not kill you will make you stronger,” he says, “but indeed I am a stronger person today than before my accident.”

Transformation Is a Process

Angie Merritt’s big pivotal moment resulted from a meeting 25 years ago with someone who would become her inspiration.

Angie had been the victim of a violent crime that left 75% of her body burned. As she was recovering from these injuries, she couldn’t imagine how she was going to reenter society. She recalls being rolled down the hall on a hospital gurney and passing a mirror. She made the nurse stop and go back. She remembers saying, “I want to see that person in the mirror. I know that is not me.” After that first look, she was terrified at the thought of facing people again.

Then, while in a rehabilitation hospital, Angie met Barbara Kammerer Quayle, a burn-survivor, educator, and long-time teacher of image enhancement for burn survivors. Barbara came to share her creative cosmetics techniques and social skills training with Angie. She taught her how to use makeup to deal with the skin discoloration caused by her burns. This simple tool gave Angie much hope and was a turning point for her. She enthusiastically recalls thinking that this woman was her heroine, saying, “Her fingers were burned worse than mine, yet she walked so proud! She was my Angelina Jolie! I really admired her.”

Angie moved to Las Vegas shortly after that. She continued to undergo surgeries at University Medical Center - Las Vegas. She became a volunteer in the burn unit, spending so much time there that she felt like an employee. However, she realized that to further her recovery she had to transfer that commitment to a paying job and get back into the world.

Angie recalls initially walking with her head down and often dreaming that the burns never happened. But utilizing the tools she learned from her mentor, Barbara, and thinking of herself as an actress helped her get through. She says she decided to act the part of someone proud and confident until she actually started to feel that way.

“In the morning, I put on my make-up like an actress and headed out in the world,” she say. “At night, I would take off my makeup like removing war paint and relax, having made it through the day and hopefully having been a model for other struggling people.”

Today, Angie feels proud when people notice her on the bus or in public. “I want people to see me, to see that you can survive and be happy,” she states. “If I can make someone happy, my work is done.”

Yes, there are still days that are difficult for her, days when she feels down, but more often than not she is positive. “I am happy today,” she says. “I have a home, a job and, am blessed with a wonderful family. I have God in my heart. What else could I ask for?”

Angie took another big step in her recovery when she decided to volunteer as a Phoenix SOAR peer supporter. That also led to her next transformative moment, one that was beautifully connected to the first.

Now Angie can do for others what Barbara once did for her, serve as a teacher and an inspiration. She advises burn survivors who are struggling to have faith that it will get better. She encourages them to hold their heads up and take advantage of every opportunity for growth. She cautions them not to always rely on others, but to instead get up and do things for themselves. Most importantly, she suggests, they should remember to laugh often.

Embracing Windows of Opportunity, Acting on Change

By reflecting on these three inspirational stories, we can deduce some of the basic “ingredients” that help transformational moments occur.

The first is contact with others who share a similar journey and who understand our story. This is the power of peer support and programs like the Phoenix World Burn Congress.

The second is environment. You have to get on that van, be in that social setting, attend that support group, or go to that make-up class. Getting there is most of the battle—taking the leap and venturing somewhere that frightens you or makes you hesitant is an important step.

The third is change. For some of us, the injury itself is the thing that changes our lives for the better by forcing us to make big changes and perhaps to look at ways in which we were previously living in sedentary or unhealthy ways. However, creating change often requires you to struggle a bit on your own and take risks.

Each person’s pivotal moment will be as different as their scars, yet by hearing one another’s stories we can find hope. It is important to remember that there are many struggles leading up to these Aha! moments and those moments cannot be forced. However, by embracing windows of opportunity and acting on change we can live beyond our wildest dreams.

As author Elizabeth Norris so eloquently says in her book Unbroken, “The pivotal moments in your life are always made up of smaller pieces, things that seemed insignificant at the time but in fact brought you to where you needed to be.”

Tony, Jamie, and Angie definitely prove her point.

James Bosch was burn injured as an infant. He has dedicated much of his professional life in the service of helping other burn survivors and their families heal and find meaning after a burn. Acceptance of new life, new body, and finding new meaning are at the core of his work. He speaks and facilitates at burn meetings in Canada and the United States. He is a member of the Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors SOAR National Advisory Committee and a consultant.

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, how should i describe a life event in my essay that prepared me for college.

So I'm drafting my college essay and I've got this life event that really impacted me and I think it shows I'm ready for college. But how do I describe it in a way that's compelling and not just telling a story? Any advice from those who tackled something similar?

When you're describing a life event in your college essay, it's important to focus on reflection, rather than merely recounting the event. Think about how this experience has shaped your perspective, influenced your goals, or contributed to your character development.

Start by setting the scene to engage the reader, then swiftly move to express how this event was pivotal in your personal growth. Show rather than tell; for example, if you're writing about how you overcame a challenge, detail the steps you took and the resourcefulness or resilience you displayed with active descriptions and action rather than a passive explanation. You want to make it clear why this event makes you a strong candidate for college by connecting it to attributes like determination, leadership, or a passion for learning. Remember to close your essay by looking forward; explain how the event has prepared you for the challenges of college and beyond, and how it will inform your contributions to the college community.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Personal Experience — Best Moment Of My Life

Best Moment of My Life

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Published: Jun 6, 2024

Words: 906 | Pages: 2 | 5 min read

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The unexpected journey, a moment of connection, the ripple effect, reflections and future aspirations.

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